Transformers: the Movie - A Movie Review

I love Transformers: the Movie. It is high on my list of all-time favorite movies.

That being said, I have no illusions about it being a good movie. Actually, it is a huge stinker. It was not made with the idea of telling a good story. It was designed to sell the new toys. Even the makers of the movie admit to that fact. It was not written for the "fans", but for the kids to ask their parents to buy the new toyline.

There are three major flaws in this movie. First, the story is too big. If you look at the plot, the story is actually pretty good. In fact, you could say it is epic. There are three acts that could have been expanded upon if they had the time and effort to create an exciting story and not a toy commercial. The attack on Earth, the escape from Earth, and the rescue of Cybertron. However, this big Star-Wars-sized story was crammed down into 90 minutes. Something similar happened to the Lord of the Rings animated movie. Lots of style, but no substance.

Second, Daniel Witwicky should have stayed with Hot Rod. We saw a glimpse of their friendship early on in the movie, but that disappeared when he escaped Autobot City with Arcee and Ultra Magnus. If he had gone with Hot Rod, then the rapport between them could have developed and we could have cared more for what was happening to them. Instead, he became some annoying kid who was just along for the ride.

Third, there was no dialogue. Almost all the words that were spoken in the movie were cheesy one-liners. "One shall stand. One shall fall." "Me Grimlock say execute them!" "Come out, Autobot! We all must die sometime!" I know that this is a kids' movie, but come one. They could have made some effort at an actual conversation in the script. The original cartoon had more intelligence, albeit not by that much.

There are other flaws I could mention like the poorly constructed musical score, the out-of-place profanities, or the total disregard for the laws of science. They all add up to one big steaming pile of poop. The movie is terrible. So much worse than the live-action movies by Michael Bay. Anyone who says otherwise is deluding themselves.

But like I said, I love this movie. In spite of its many, many flaws, it has some truly bad-ass moments. Like when Megatron offs Ironhide. Or when the Sharkticon gets its face ripped off by another Sharkticon. Or when Starscream finally achieves his goal of domination, only to have it cut short by Galvatron. The animation still holds up, even in this age of CGI movies.

I will admit that I am a little biased. I love the Transformers and everything about them. Well, almost everything. The Japanese cartoons were horrendous. I love the toys, the cartoons, the movies, etc. They are visually interesting, the transformations are clever, the storyline is fascinating, and they are fun to play with.

So even though I love this movie, I have to concede that it is pretty terrible.