Popping the Question

Here I sit, less than two months until I get married.

Sorry that there is no segue from my Harem posts to today's post about my engagement to Michelle. Yes, I am getting married. I've found the love of my life. Quite a departure from the depressing tales of woe regarding my past love life. I look back at those as lessons I had to learn in order to be ready for Michelle.

I feel much happier now, like my life is finally coming together. Yet I also feel truly terrified. I have no idea what's going to happen. I have underlying insecurities about my ability to be a good husband, provider, servant-leader and possible father. I don't have a good track record of acting like a mature adult.

But I am not going to back out. I am in love with my fiancee. I know that there will be many difficulties, but I know that Michelle and I, with the help from God, family and friends, will be able to work through them and create a marriage that will last.

But that's not what I wanted to write about. I wanted to tell the story about how I proposed to Michelle.

I proposed to her on our one-year anniversary from when we first met. We had gotten in contact with each other through eHarmony. I had subscribed to the online dating service but found myself striking out with my potential matches, so I had decided not to renew my subscription. However, I had misjudged when my renewal date was, so when I went to cancel the service, I found that it had already renewed itself. I was stuck with eHarmony for another two months. Less than a week later I got a notification from one of my potential matches; it was called an "icebreaker". Her name was Michelle from Hudson, Massachusetts.

She had a really cute smile and I liked what she had written in her profile. I decided to take a chance on her. It doesn't sound very romantic, but that's the nature of the thing. eHarmony is not in the least bit romantic. You're sitting in front of a computer looking at little profile pics, sifting through a plethora of potential matches, all the while wondering if you had made a mistake subscribing to an online dating service. The romance comes later (if you're lucky). But at this point you're doubting yourself and wondering if anyone will find you interesting enough to say hi. At least I was.

As I was saying, I decided to take a chance with this cute girl from Hudson, MA. We went through the stages of communication. We started talking via the eHarmony messaging. Eventually we exchanged number and talked on the phone. We enjoyed communicating. The first thing I noticed about her was her young voice, which to this day I still find myself enamored by.

Then on March 19, 2011 we met for the first time face to face. We decided to meet for our first date at the Outback Steakhouse in Lowell, MA. It was a good halfway point for both of us. Not very romantic, but that's not what we were going for. It was a Saturday night and very busy. There was about a twenty minute wait, so we stood in the front door and chatted while we waited to be seated.

After dinner we went next door to the movie theatre and saw The Fighter starring Mark Wahlberg. I will admit that I was disappointed with myself because I didn't do much planning. I wish our first date had been more imaginative than just dinner and a movie. But this was mid-March and it was still rather cold outside, so we couldn't really go anywhere to chat some more and neither of us knew Lowell that well.

Okay, fast-forward a bit, about eight months. Our new relationship is going great. We talk on the phone almost every night. We see each other about twice a week. Our love for each other is growing stronger. It's right about here--I don't know exactly when--that I decide that this is the woman I'm going to marry.

We had been casually talking about the idea of marriage. In fact, we had barely been dating three months when we first started talking about it. Let me tell you, I freaked out. It was the first time I had ever talked with a girlfriend about getting married. This was not some shallow discussion about our hopes and dreams for the future. No, we were talking about marriage like it was actually a possibility between us. It really threw me for a loop and I panicked. My head was spinning. I had to stop the conversation right there because this was not something I had been prepared for. After that we rarely brought up the subject of marriage because Michelle knew that I would get scared.

Now it's about eight months into the relationship and I am sure that I want to marry this amazing and beautiful woman. I start thinking about matters such as how I'm going to propose, how much it will cost me, when I'm going to do it, if I should get down on one knee, etc. But it was slow going at first. I had to muster up the courage, even to do simple things like look at prices of rings. Eventually I did look online at prices, sometime in early December 2011, just to see how much money I would need to save up for. I didn't do much else for a while.

Christmas came and went, but there was no ring on Michelle's finger. I think she was hoping that I would give her one but was doubtful that it would actually happen. She had kept hinting that her finger looked rather bare. At that point we had had a few discussions about marriage without me having heart palpitations. She knew I wasn't ready, but she was hoping I would surprise her. Not this time. But I was plotting.

I was trying to come up with the perfect way to propose. That's what we guys try to do. We like to make big gestures of love, and none is as big as the proposal because it's on his terms. Marriage is big, but it's about the bride and groom. Or it's about just the bride. When a guy proposes, it is up to him to do all the planning and to make it a surprise if possible. Creativity is a plus. Or sometimes publicity works, too, like the proposals you see at basketball games.

I wanted to come up with some creative way to pop the question, kinda like the ones you sometimes see on America's Funniest Home Videos. I thought of a plan to hide the ring in a letterbox, so when Michelle opened up the box, the ring would be inside with a stamp that said "Will you marry me?" But she's not into letterboxing as much as I am, so it would seem rather self-serving to propose that way.

I thought of a plan to propose while mini-golfing. I would have an accomplice, someone Michelle hasn't met before, to help me out. I would give him the ring and he would play one hole ahead of us. At some point he would put the ring in the hole and then move on. Then when Michelle would reach into the hole to get her ball, she would see the ring. Then I would get down on one knee and propose to her right there. But the problem is that I would have to wait for the golf courses to open up in May, and I didn't want to wait that long. (The long-distance relationship was getting to me at that point.) Besides, to propose to her in that fashion just wasn't me. In my mind it sounded really cheesy. I needed to do it in my own way.

I had an idea.

Some time in early January I decided that it was time to look at prices for rings again, but this time I would look at them in person. I went down to the mall to browse the jewelry stores just to find out prices, not to actually buy anything. On the way I got a call from Michelle, and she asked me what I was doing. I didn't want to tell her my mission because it was supposed to be a secret. I said that I was going down to the mall because I was bored and hadn't been there in a while; I wanted to see what it looked like now. Well, as I walked in the mall entrance I got a text from her saying, "I'm a simple girl. I don't want anything fancy. Just saying."

I couldn't believe it! How did she know? How could she have possibly known that I was going to look at engagement rings? I was so tempted to turn around, get in my car, go home and look at rings when she wasn't suspecting anything. But I ventured forth and continued on with my mission. After I left the mall I called her and told her that I was at the mall looking for the newest Optimus Prime toy. Yes, it was a blatant lie. I had to try to make her as unsuspecting as possible. She didn't buy it for a second.

I went back to the jewelry stores in early February to look at engagement rings again. I had more of an idea what I was looking for this time. Michelle didn't call, which is a good thing because I would've had to tell her another lie. I didn't buy a ring this time, but I went back a few days later and walked out with the ring I was going to give to her.

Now, Michelle and I had been planning a small vacation in March to celebrate our one-year anniversary. We decided to visit the Berkshires for a weekend. We would drive out there, do some sight-seeing, visit the Norman Rockwell Museum, visit Stockbridge and do some shopping at the premium outlets in Lee. Then we would get home on Sunday the 18th. Since the 19th is the actual day of our anniversary, we decided that we should also go out to eat at the Outback Steakhouse in Lowell where we first met.

In Michelle's mind, the weekend in the Berkshires was the big celebration. She really thought that I was going to propose to her there. We had been openly and boldly talking about marriage and even wedding plans. We talked about details such as cake design and where we would like to go on our honeymoon. She was expecting to come home with a ring on her finger.

In my mind, however, the big celebration was our actual anniversary, and I had something special planned.

On the way home, I could sense that she was a little disappointed that she was not a bride-to-be. Up until then, I had resigned myself to the fact that she knew I was going to propose on our anniversary. She knew I had been looking at rings. I had been talking about marriage without fainting. Our anniversary was coming up. I had spent time alone with her dad. Everything added up. She was positive it was going to happen.

But it didn't happen, and I could tell she was feeling disappointed. She thought I was ready. I realized that this was my last opportunity to make the impending proposal as much of a surprise as possible. So I told her one last blatant lie. As I was driving, I said to her, "Michelle, I know that you were hoping I would propose to you this weekend. You have been very patient. But please bear with me. I'm getting there." Little did she know that I already had the ring!

The next day we had to go back to work. I almost had to skip our dinner because I was originally scheduled to work that evening. Thankfully one of my co-workers came to my rescue and agreed to switch shifts with me. She knew about the proposal and what a big deal it was. I don't know what I would have done if I had to skip our anniversary dinner.

That night, we met at the Outback Steakhouse, the same place we had first met one year earlier. Like I said, Michelle thought that our weekend in the Berkshires was the big anniversary celebration. This dinner was just a nice little get-together to end the celebration. No big deal. Afterwards we'd just go home and call each other the next day.

At this point, I was a nervous wreck. I was about to propose to my girlfriend. Everything was about to change. To me, this was a huge deal. Even at work everyone could tell I was freaking out. Only a select few knew the reason. Everyone else was wondering why their happy-go-lucky supervisor had this terrified look on his face. Because I was terrified. Even though I knew Michelle's answer would be yes. In fact, months prior, she had told me that if I proposed to her right then and there, she would say yes.

Nonetheless, I was nervous. All throughout the dinner I barely looked at her. I tried desperately to make eye contact, but I couldn't sustain it. I kept looking everywhere else. She could tell something was wrong.

After I paid the check, she asked me what I wanted to do next. I froze. I didn't know what to say. I knew that if I said anything I would blow it. So I decided to take the plunge and go ahead with the plan.

I said to her, "So here we are. It's been a heck of a year, hasn't it?"

She thought to herself, Are we really going to have this conversation again? When we were in the Berkshires, we had a nice conversation about our relationship and how much we loved each other. She thought that I would propose to her then, but I didn't. Why were we discussing this again? She decided to go with it, anyway.

"Yes, it has."

So I go into this whole spiel about how great our relationship is and how much closer we've grown and how much I love her and so on. And all the while she's just politely smiling and agreeing with everything I say.

Then I take a breath and say, "All that being said, however, I have to tell you something. I don't want to date you anymore."

After a couple seconds she says, "Okay," as if waiting for the point.

"I want to marry you."

Then I reach into my jacket and pull out the ring.

She blurts out, "Are you freakin' kidding me?!"

I ask her, "Will you marry me?"

I was about to get down on one knee, but Michelle frantically waved her arms begging me not to. We were in a crowded restaurant with waitresses walking by and a table full of hooligans next to us. She didn't want me to cause a scene. I sat back down.

She put the ring on her finger. Finally she said, "Yes, yes, yes!"

After sharing a few kisses and loving words, we went outside where she called her best friend. After that we went to her parents' house where they had a cake waiting for us. For the rest of the evening I could barely talk to her because she was on the phone with all of her family and friends telling them the good news. I made a few calls, myself.

So that's the story of how I popped the question. I did it in a way that was one hundred percent me. I am a bit of a smart-ass, so I had to do it in that style. It was nothing elaborate, nothing terribly creative, and nothing public. But for me, it was perfect. It couldn't have happened any other way.